those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
