so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
