My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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