my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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