she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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