No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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