It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
