I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
