So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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