absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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