ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
