In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
