# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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