she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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