im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
dude. I can hear the air.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
