Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
