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So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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