the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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