i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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