he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
