So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
