i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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