your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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