He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
