I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
