How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
