You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So much Jack, so little girl.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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