i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
