fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
