You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
