this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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