accomplished twins. life is a go
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
did i walk over a car last night?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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