I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
