I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
