my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
time to smoke my breakfast
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
