Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
