He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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