Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
