just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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