I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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