I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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