you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
