dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Drunk is not a location!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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