Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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