sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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