Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
