My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
