Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize