I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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