I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
