Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
