How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
