There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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