Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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