shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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