You're so nebulous sometimes
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
