so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
