I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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