i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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