she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
