Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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