Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
