Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
