I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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