Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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