I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
