6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
