dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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