Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
