mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
