My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
