your parents love me but you hate me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
