I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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