it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
