let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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