he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize