I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
