This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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